Jessica Anne Rose Baldanza

The following script is the product of feeding every line of the protagonist Ziggy's dialogue from the 1994 Dennis Cooper novel Try into the 1966 ELIZA chat-bot.


ELIZA, dubbed the 'world’s first psycho-therapy robot' as it has been programmed to emulate the dialogue of a Rogerian psychotherapist, is a pioneering example of artificial intelligence and NLP (natural language processing). Written in Javascript, ELIZA strings together a minuscule range of responses as output text based on keywords identified in the input text.


Ziggy is the protagonist of Dennis Cooper's dark and satirical 1994 novel Try. The narrative follows Ziggy, an exceptionally sensitive and creative teen, as a subject of abuse that started from an early age. Seeking to transmute his pain in communication, Ziggy produces a zine about abuse titled 'I Apologize' (named after the Husker Du track), where he depicts the subject in a strangely matter-of-fact manner. Ziggy also seeks connection by way of the various romantic, platonic and ambiguous relationships he fosters. The recipients of Ziggy's affections are often non-responsive, or indifferent to his severely sincere affections. Their inherent incapability to reciprocate emotionally parallels bot ELIZA's limited capacity for dialogue. As a Rogerian psychotherapist, ELIZA is situated at the receiving end of a multitude of unrestrained vulnerability. Yet, the nature of Rogerian psychotherapy is only to prompt, and the nature of ELIZA's limited capacities means that like all of the people in Ziggy's life, it is unable to respond in any meaningful manner.




>Eliza

*Ziggy


> Hello, I am Eliza.


*Hm.


> Don't you ever say Hello?


*Shit.


> Tell me more...


*Shit, shit…


> Tell me more...


*It’s me, Ziggy McCauley. Uh who always wears a jean jacket?


> Have you asked anyone else?


*Hi.


> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?


*I’m okay. Stoned. Uh, you?


> Oh... ?


*Really? Ha ha ha, sure.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*So, what’s your opinion of Husker Du?


> Why are you concerned about my opinion of Husker Du?


*‘Cos I love them, Listen to this. Just for a second, okay?


> Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*This is so fucking great, Isn’t that genius?


> That is quite interesting.


> *** Are We going to Chat? ***

> I can't help without a dialogue!


*No matter what Bob Mould’s singing it makes me cry! Not really, but…you know what I mean? I hate it that they broke up! Assholes! Not really!


>What do you think?


*They’re great.


> Tell me more…


*Hang out with weird people mostly.


>That is quite interesting.


*No, uh-uh,


> Why not?


*Well, maybe. You might know this guy Calhoun.


>You’re not really talking about me are you?


*He’s my best friend. Then there’s this other guy, Ken. He’s my uncle, uh…one of my dads’ brother, uh…’Cos my parents are two gay men, right?


>Do you impose on your friends?


*I guess.


> OK…He’s your best friend. Then there’s this other guy, Ken. He’s your uncle, uh…one of your dads’ brother, uh…’Cos your parents are two gay men, right”. Tell me more.


*Anyway, uh…yeah, my uncle’s, like, totally psycho, but I happen to dig him. He teaches me stuff.


*Oh yeah, such as what, she asks? Ha ha ha. Well, about…uh, well…


> Does that question interest you?


*Well, okay…he’s into, uh…he’s got these kiddie porn videos. You know what those are? He makes them. That’s one thing…Uh, you still…okay?


> Oh…know what those am? He makes them. That’s one thing…Uh, me still…okay?


*Okay, assuming you’re listening, uh…Uncle Ken’s got all these videos of young boys and him having sex. Even sixteen’s too old. Like I’m completely over the hill now. But we’re friends ‘cos he’s into the idea of sexual abuse. Me too. I’m a victim, right? Anyway, that’s another long story. So, based on this, do you think I’m insane?


> Oh…think I’m insane?


*Complex! That’s good, yeah.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Oh, I know. That’s okay.


> That is quite interesting.


*I’m definitely weird, Nicole. My main dad- the one I still live with-has been beating me up, raping me since I was, uh…ten, and my other dad just wrote me this letter that was like…obviously sort of a, uh, love letter, and I guess…uh, I wrote one back, and now we’re gonna sleep together, which is probably this huge mistake And…what else..?


> I see.


*But I really do like you. I do. I have for a while.


> We were discussing you, not me.


*That’s unbelievable!


> What does that suggest to you?


*Can I..? What about this weekend? I’ll come see you. I’ll hitchhike, I don’t care.


> Perhaps you don’t want to What about this weekend? I’ll come see me. I’ll hitchhike, you don’t care?


*Great!


> Ok…”Can I..? What about this weekend? I’ll come see you. I’ll hitchhike, you don’t care.” Tell me more.


*Maybe I’ll actually show up at school in the morning and shock everyone.


> You don’t seem quite certain.


*Or…I’ll call you, okay?


>You’re not really talking about me are you?


*Jesus.


>Ok…”Or…I’ll call you, okay”. Tell me more.


*Uh, Nicole? I’ve gotta…go. Bye.


>Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


> *** Are We going to Chat? ***


> I can't help without a dialogue!


*No, please.


>Are you saying no just to be negative?


*Cal…houn.


>Tell me more…


*Th-th-th-thanks.


>I see.


*This part,


>Tell me more…


*Hm.


>Tell me more…


*Sometimes, yeah,


>Say, do you have psychological problems?


*Shit…shit, shit…


>I see.


*I hate you,


>You’re not really talking about me are you?


*Fuck!


>Tell me more…


*Oh, no,


>Why no?


*Shit.


>Tell me more…


*Shi-i-i-it.


>Tell me more…


*Shi-i-i-it.


>Do you expect a different answer by repeating yourself?


*Stop!


>Tell me more…


*Dad, please.


>Tell me more…


*Shit.


>Tell me more…


*Shit.


>Why did you repeat yourself?


*Ken,


>Tell me more…


*It’s me,


>Tell me more…


*Brice just beat me up. Can I…come over?


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*That sounds interesting, Uncle Ken, But I’m probably too freaked tonight.


>Say, do you have psychological problems?


*Yeah, right.


>Tell me more…


*So, who’s the kid? Do I know him or her?


>I see.


*God, I hate those kinds of guys.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Tomorrow maybe.


>You aren’t sure?


*After school. Will the kid still be there?


>What does that suggest to you?


*Hello,


> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?


*Wow, Calhoun! You’re awake. It’s…late, right?


>What does that suggest to you?


*I’m just working on my magazine. What’s going on with you?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah?


>Ok…”I’m just working on your magazine. What’s going on with you”. Tell me more.


*And?


>tell me more…


*For your take, ‘Cos I’m trying to figure out what I should think about it, and you’re the person I most love and trust and all that. So…yeah, just your opinion.


>What else comes to mind when you ask that?


*Yeah, yeah. It’s complicated. I was lonely, blah, blah, blah, you know? And my uncle’s interesting in a way. You met him.


> You’re not really talking about me, are you?


> *** Are We going to Chat? ***


> I can't help without a dialogue!


*That’s ‘cos he’s, like, attracted to you.


> We were discussing you, not me.


*Okay,


> OK... "That’s ‘cos he’s, like, attracted to you". Tell me more.


*I mean, I knew it was disgusting, but now I’m… sure. Thanks.


>Say, do you have psychological problems?


*So, uh…was it weird watching the video while on, like, heroin?


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Yeah.


>Tell me more…


*Me too,


>Tell me more…


*Definitely.


>Tell me more…


*Anyway, fuck it, uh…When do I get to hang out with you next?


> You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Cool. Hey, yeah, how’s your novel?


>What about your own novel?


*Well…


> OK... "Cool. Hey, yeah, how’s my novel". Tell me more.


*I’ll…call you, like, in the late morning?


> We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah, uh-


>OK…”I’ll…call you, like, in the late morning”. Tell me more.


*Come on


>Tell me more…


*Shit.


>Tell me more…


*Hi, I’m really sorry,


>Please don’t apologise!


*It’s me. I just had this idea that I’d come see you…now?


>What does that suggest to you?


*‘Cos…I’m sort of…freaking out.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Yeah, I know where that is. But, uh…I have to…hitchhike, … so I may take…a while, but I’m leaving…this second.


> What do you think?


*Yeah, yeah. Wait, should I bring pot or whatever?


> Can you elaborate on that?


*Or…beer?


>OK…”Yeah, you know where that is. But, uh…I have to hitchhike, … so you may take…a while, but I’m leaving…this second”. Tell me more.


*Yeah, great, bye.


>That is quite interesting.


*Thanks for the lift, sir.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Jesus.


>Tell me more…


*Uh, yeah?


>Tell me more…


*‘Cos of his politics?


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Really?


>Tell me more…


*Well, there are definitely people I like and don’t like,


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, uh…


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Oh…mean, uh..?


>Tell me more…


*See, I have all these reasons for doing things, uh…Can we sit down?


>That is quite interesting.


*There, okay,


>Tell me more…


*Uh, that’s a hard question.


>What does that suggest to you?


*I’m sort of bisexual so far. When I do it with guys- not that I have very much-it’s well…love, I guess. Uh…And, uh, I have to be positive with guys that I don’t get emotional, ‘cos I’m so…I hate words like this, but the school therapist tells me I’m ‘needy,’ okay? With girls, though, it’s just…I don’t know…fun? So guys and girls are, like, different situations, and I don’t know which I like better yet.


>What do you think?


*Hey, did you ever know this guy Calhoun?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*I mentioned him before. He was a senior last year?


>Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*Yeah, exactly. Well, in a perfect world he and I would be boyfriends. ‘Cos I like him more than anybody-we’re best friends, right?-and, you know, he likes me tremendously too, I think. But, anyway, he’s even straighter than me, so…so…


>Oh…know, he likes you tremendously too, you think. But, anyway, he’s even straighter than you, so…so..?


*But then again…probably what makes us so close is that we don’t sleep together. And, you know, it’s great in that we don’t sleep together. And, you know, it’s great the way it is now. And I’m probably not gay either, like I said. It’s like we’re brothers, I guess. I don’t know. So…That’s my story. What’s your thinking about sexual stuff?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*No, no, no, that’d be great.


>Why not?


*So, I’ll…uh, undress too, I guess.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*So, uh, okay. Cool.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Come on, man.


>Tell me more…


*What?


>What is it that you really want to know?


*Sorry,


>What feelings do you have when you apologize?


*Nicole?


>OK…”No, no, no, that’s be great”. Tell me more.


*Can I fuck you?


>Do you want to be able to fuck me?


*Uh…sorry to be so…


>That is quite interesting.


*Thanks,


>OK…”Can you fuck you”. Tell me more.


*Be right back.


>Tell me more…


*Okay,


>Tell me more…


*Oh, shit.


>Tell me more…


*Sorry.


>Apologies are not necessary.


*Shi-i-i-it, Nicole.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Yes, yes, ye-e-e-ess…


>I understand.


*Uh, Nicole, what time is it?


>Why do you ask?


*Oh, uh, ha ha ha.


>I see.


*So, that was nice.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*No, why?


>Have you asked such questions before?


*Oh, God, I’m sorry. I’m nervous, I guess. Don’t take it personally. You’re great. You’re beautiful. I’m just…weird.


>Apologies are not necessary.


*Yeah, pot would’ve helped. It really does in situations like this, yeah, yeah, ‘cos I’m so sped up.


*If I get too stoned, you know, it’s hard in another way though, ha ha. With guys it isn’t that big a deal because they always find something to do with me, no matter what, but with girls there’s this weird line you have to, like, walk between fucked up and sober, and I don’t walk it very well, I guess.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Read this when I’m not around,


>Does that question interest you?


*What’s that?


>Tell me more…


*Well, I need to get through a sex scene I might not, like, know how to be part of exactly. Any recommendations?


>Are such questions on your mind often?


*I’m sure I told you about my two dads, and how one is this rock critic who lives in New York? He’s, like, uh…I sort of want to sleep with him.


>You’re not talking about me, are you?


*Not really.


>Tell me more…


*I…guess not.


>Tell me more…


*Are you sure?


>Would you prefer if I were not sure?


*So I should snort it before he comes over?


>That is quite interesting.


*Thanks,


>OK…”I’m sure you told me about your two dads, and how one is this rock critic who lives in New York? He’s, like, uh…I sort of want to sleep with him”. Tell me more.


*But, so, it won’t, like, give me diarrhea, will it?


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*And I…do it like…coke?


>Can you elaborate on that?


*‘Cos a friend of mine shoots it. Calhoun. Do you know him?


*He’s the greatest person who ever lived,


>We were discussing you, not me.


*And he’s my best friend.


>Why do you bring up the topic of friends?


*‘Cos he shoots it, and, uh…I’m kind of concerned about him.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*But…listen, about Calhoun.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Yeah, uh…thanks.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Oh, uh…definitely,


>What does that suggest to you?


*Uncle Ken?


>OK…”And he’s your best friend”. Tell me more.


*What’s going on?


>What does that suggest to you?


*School!


>Tell me more…


*I’m about to leave! Can I come by for a while?


>Perhaps you don’t want to come by for a while?


*Oh, the Heavy Metal kid! He’s still there?


>I see.


*If you mean what you’re doing with the Metal kid, that doesn’t bother me!


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*“But…will there be time to blab? I sort of need to!


>I see.


*I’m on my way. Bye.


>I see.


*Did you yell?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Why?


>Why do you ask?


*Uh, isn’t Calhoun sort of too old for you? Besides, he’s, like, straight.


>Oh…Besides, he’s, like, straight?


*Ha ha. Uh, not really! He’s just, uh…I don’t know! Anyway, he’s my best friend, so, you know…forget it!


>We were discussing you, not me.


*It’s me.


>OK…”Ha ha. Uh, not really! He’s just, uh…I don’t know! Anyway, he’s your best friend, so, me know…forget it”. Tell me more.


*So guess what? I got some heroin.


>What else comes to mind when you ask that?


*Yellow powder.


>I can’t help, if you will not chat with me!


*Or…off-white, I guess.


>I see.


*Yeah, cool, huh?


>What does that suggest to you?


*They won’t.


>Tell me more…


*I mean, I won’t get a habit.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Are you okay?


>Why are you interested in whether or not I am okay?


*No, I know. Actually, don’t get pissed, but I wish you would quit, ‘cos I keep worrying you’re gonna O.D., and-


>You’re not really talking about me are you?


*Are you…sure, ‘cos…


>That is quite interesting.


*Okay, I won’t.


>Tell me more…


*I don’t want to.


>What does that suggest to you?


*I just…don’t want to hurt you, you know?


>Oh…me know?


*And I love you a lot. Sorry.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*I won’t do it.


>Tell me more…


*And I’ll, uh…come over and see you…tomorrow,


>What does that suggest to you?


*Uh, wait…oh, shit.


>That is quite interesting.


*My fucking dad’s flying in from New York tomorrow, and I think we’re going to, uh, sleep

together, ha ha ha. So…as soon as I can get away from him. Can I …call you?


>Perhaps you don’t want to…call me?


*And I’m sorry about saying all that shit about loving you and all. I didn’t mean to stress you out. You know, I’m just-


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah, uh…bye.


>Tell me more…


*Ziggy, you’re such a fucking loser.


>I see.


*Shit


>OK…”And I’m sorry about saying all that shit about loving me and all. You didn’t mean to stress me out. Me know, I’m just-“. Tell me more.


*Uncle Ken!


>Tell me more…


*Cool.


>Tell me more…


*Hm.


>Tell me more…


*Your shirt’s backwards,


> Why are you concerned about my shirt’s backwards?


*So the Heavy Metal kid’s in there?


> I'm not sure I understand you fully.


*He’s fine,


> OK... "Your shirt’s backwards". Tell me more.


*Well, he’s kind of heavy into heroin now, so that’s, uh…a big worry, but…


>I see.


*Anyway, you don’t care, fuck it.


>Oh…don’t care, fuck it?


*No!


>Are you saying no just to be negative?


*That’s not…I mean I wouldn’t mind, but he’s really, really straight, so…and it doesn’t matter!


>That is quite interesting.


*Figured.


> OK... "Anyway, me don’t care, fuck it". Tell me more.


*Can the kid…talk?


> Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*Would it freak me out to see him?


>I see.


*Is the Sex Hole locked up?


>Can you elaborate on that?


*All right, Uncle Ken,


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Shit. Uh, hi,


> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?


*I’m the nephew of, uh, Ken. But I’m neutral. I’m not into this stuff in the same way he is.

I…come in peace, ha ha ha.


> Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*You’re tired. That’s cool. I dig.


>I see.


*It’s intense to see you. People are so weird. Especially Uncle Ken, as you know.


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*This is totally insensitive of me, isn’t it? I’m really bad about knowing when to censor myself. Everyone says so. Sorry.


>Have you asked such questions before?


*Actually, the reason I’m here is to see if I can handle your predicament first of all, which I guess I can, and then to ask you some questions. Because I publish this magazine about, like, sexual abuse, and an interview with you would be an amazing coup.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Just a second, okay? Sorry.


>Apologies are not necessary.


*Uncle ken!


>OK…”Just a second, okay? Sorry”. Tell me more.


*Can you come in here? I want to interview you and the kid at the same time. For I Apologize. Isn’t that a brilliant idea?


>Don't you believe that I can come in here? you want to interview me and the kid at the same time. For you Apologize. Isn’t that a brilliant idea?


*Sure, sure, sure, sure.


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Come on,


> OK... "Can me come in here? you want to interview me and the kid at the same time. For you


*Apologize. Isn’t that a brilliant idea". Tell me more.


*Bring some paper and pens. This is going to be so cool.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*This is okay with you, right?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Sure, great!


>Tell me more…


*But it won’t, like, hurt him any more than he’s already hurt, will it? Please say no, ha ha ha.


>Why, no?


*Scary,


>OK... "But it won’t, like, hurt him any more than he’s already hurt, will it? Please say no, ha ha ha". Tell me more.


*So, Uncle ken,


>Tell me more…


*Are you finished with the filming?


> Would you prefer if I were not finished with the filming?


*Right.


> OK... "Are me finished with the filming". Tell me more.


*Okay,


>Tell me more…


*I might not actually print this part. It’s mostly to like get us, like, going. Uh, Robin, when you

came to my uncle’s last night, what did you think was going to happen?


> We were discussing you, not me.


*Okay.


> OK... "I might not actually print this part. It’s mostly to like get us, like, going. Uh, Robin, when me came to your uncle’s last night, what did me think were going to happen". Tell me more.


*Got…it…And, uh, when did you realize that something was… weird?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*But Uncle Ken, You do get all passionate about boys, so Robin could’ve easily thought you were hot for him. He didn’t know.


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Which is it more like, Uncle Ken, love or hate?


> Can you elaborate on that?


*Wait, ha ha ha, Uh, maybe. Listen, do you remember Roger, Brice’s ex-boyfriend? Well, he’s definitely like you are with kids, but about young guys’ asses. It’s so weird Uncle Ken.


> What makes you think I am with kids, but about young guys’ asses. It’s so weird Uncle Ken?


*Roger’s flying out here from New York tomorrow, and he’s going to move me back East with him.


>What does that suggest to you?


*It’s true!


> Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*So anyway. Uh…what kind of sex did you have with Robin?


> We were discussing you, not me.

*Well, uh…I’m gonna need some more paper, if you have some. I mean, if you’re having trouble remembering.


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*So, Uncle Ken, uh…it looks like you’ve changed your technique since the, ha ha ha, old days.


>What about your own technique since the, ha ha ha, old days?


*Maybe later.


>Can’t you be more positive?


*Uncle Ken, let me ask Robin stuff now, because he’s fading again or whatever.


> We can talk about psychological problems


*Robin?


> Tell me more...


*Uh, what were you thinking about during the sex part? I mean, at the time.


>Oh…thinking about during the sex part? You mean, at the time?


*Fuck, Uncle Ken, Robin’s not going to O.D., is he?


>We can talk about psychological problems


*So was it…


>Tell me more…


* …just horrifying? Like you’d expect something like that would have been? Uh, Robin?


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Did hearing Slayer’s music help?


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Did it sound as high quality as you thought?


>Let’s talk about, not me?


*Wait, Are you…are you saying that Slayer made it easier to endure the, uh, rape and all that? I

mean, knowing how good Slayer is?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*This is amazing. So you decided that Slayer’s music’s good enough that being raped isn’t, like, uh…important?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*It’s so bizarre, Uncle Ken.


>Can you tell me more?


*You don’t think so?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Actually, that’s amazing too. I mean that you’re not sure. Wow.


>That is quite interesting.


*Uh, Robin?


>OK…”You don’t think so”. Tell me more.


*Okay. I don’t know. Shit, Uncle Ken.


>We can talk about psychological problems


*Well, then, Robin, uh…Does it matter to you that, uh, Uncle Ken thinks you’re, uh, really beautiful?


>Oh... that, uh, Uncle Ken thinks you’re, uh, really beautiful?


*I dig.


>OK… “Well, then, Robin, uh…Does it matter to me that, uh, Uncle Ken thinks you’re, uh, really beautiful”. Tell me more.


*But you have to let me ask what you’re thinking.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*I mean, ‘cos he’s, like, gross now, so…


>We can talk about psychological problems


*Maybe. Like when you love someone, you don’t mind the gross parts. They’re just…part of the bargain. That’s what my school therapist says.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Except, Well you raped and whatever someone who maybe didn’t deserve it! And is that…cool?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Yeah, so?


>OK…”Except, Well me raped and whatever someone who maybe didn’t deserve it! And is that…cool”. Tell me more.


*What does that have to do with anything?


> What answer would please you the most?


*Can I borrow the Slayer tape? Do you think he’d mind? I want to transcribe the lyrics. Hey, Uncle Ken! You never know, they might add…color?


> Do you want to be able to borrow the Slayer tape? Do me think he’d mind? you want to transcribe the lyrics. Hey, Uncle Ken! me never know, they might add…color?


*Bye, Uncle Ken, Talk to you tomorrow! This was…interesting!


>We were discussing you, not me.


*It’s me, You up?


>Oh… up?


*I know you hate to hear this, But, God, I’m so glad to see you. You don’t know.


> Oh... hate to hear this, But, God, I’m so glad to see me. me don’t know?


*Nothing. Just the usual glad-to-be-with-you stuff.


>Can you tell me more?


*When do you sleep?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was at my psycho uncles. You know, the one who made that video I lent you? And he had this kid there- I forget his name-uh…doing a video, and I interviewed him-well, him and Uncle Ken, but my uncle wasn’t as interesting since I already know him. And I’m gonna print it in I Apologize. ‘Cos it was amazing! I think I’m gonna do a bunch of interviews. Maybe I’ll do one with you.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Would that be okay?


>What does that suggest to you?


*Well, Because…you’re the antidote to all that. When I’m with you, it’s weird how okay all the horrible parts seem. Like it’s all just some interesting stuff I can tell you about. Really. The only times I feel good are when I’m working on I Apologize or when I’m with you.


>Do you enjoy feeling good am when I’m working on you Apologize or when I’m with me?


*Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m too verbal, I know. The school therapist says I’m, uh… I’m afraid if I don’t tell you I like you all the time-oh, ‘cos I told her how important our friendship is now-that you’ll have a reason to reject me. But she says it works in the opposite way, and, uh, that I’m really just trying to make it impossible for you to say how you feel about me, ‘cos I’m afraid what you’ll say is I don’t really matter to you. But I told her, ‘No, our friendship’s really mutual back and forth. That’s what’s so brilliant about it, that we’re so bonded.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Don’t you think maybe you do like how close we are now, you just can’t think about it too much, like you said?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Yeah, sorry.


> Please don't apologise!


*I understand. Uh…


> Can you elaborate on that?


*…but I guess I sort of have to decide you do love me a lot, and you can’t tell me so, ‘cos…it’d be hard to go on if I didn’t believe that. I know it sounds weird.



*You mean so much to me, Calhoun, You really do. But now I’ll shut up. And, uh…we can talk about something else.


>Oh… do love you a lot, and me can’t tell you so, ‘cos…it’d be hard to go on if you didn’t believe that. You know it sounds weird. Me means so much to you, Calhoun, me really do. But now I’ll shut up. And, uh…we can talk about something else?


*Right,


>OK…”…but you guess you sort of have to decide me do love you a lot, and me can’t tell you so, ‘cos… it’d be hard to go on if you didn’t believe that. You know it sounds weird. Me means so much to me, Calhoun, me really do. But now I’ll shut up. And, uh… we can talk about something else”. Tell me more.


*Guess what else?


>Does that question interest you?


*I fucked this girl Nicole…I forget her last name. Lampley or something? Do you remember her from school?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Totally!


> OK... "I fucked this girl Nicole…I forget her last name. Lampley or something? Do me remember her from school". Tell me more.


*Yeah, she’s cool. We’ll uh, see what happens now, ha ha ha.


> Why do you ask?


*Right.


> OK... "Yeah, she’s cool. We’ll uh, see what happens now, ha ha ha". Tell me more.


*Uh, sorry.


> Don't be so defensive!


*Wow! Thanks, Calhoun.


>I see.


*I’ve been dying to hear this.


>Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*Yeah, Uh…sleep well. B-bye.


>That is quite interesting.


*Thanks for the ride, ma’am,


>What does that suggest to you?


*Calhoun, don’t die.


>I see.


*Okay, pal.


> OK... "I fucked this girl Nicole…I forget her last name. Lampley or something? Do me remember her from school". Tell me more.


*What a mess,


> Are such questions on your mind often?


Roger’ll…think…I’m…


>Can you tell me more?


*Fuck, hold on,


>Tell me more…


*Uh…yeah. Hi.


> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?


*So…uh…


>Tell me more…


*What are they?


>What answer would please you the most?


*Okay, cool, Ha ha ha


>What does that suggest to you?


*So…


>OK…”What am they”. Tell me more.


*So…I need to get stoned first, ‘cos… …uh ’cos I always do that when I …sleep with guys.


>Why do you ask?


*Yeah, sort of.


>Tell me more…


*Mm…


>OK…”So…I need to get stoned first, ‘cos… …uh ‘cos you always do that when you …sleep with guys”. Tell me more.


*Ugh.


>Tell me more…


*Don’t forget.


>Tell me more…


*I’m fucking sto-o-o-oned,


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*No…way.


>Tell me more…


*Shi-i-i-it


>Tell me more…


*I have to, uh…,


>Tell me more…


*Uh, before we do it, I have to…call Cricket, this friend of mine. ‘Cos…I promised.


>Friends are important


*Oh…shit.


>OK… “Uh, before we do it, you have to… call Cricket, this friend of mine. ‘Cos… I promised”.

Tell me more.


*God, Dad.


>Tell me more…


*Dad, I have to call Cricket.


> That is quite interesting.


*Yeah, I sort of set up a three-way for us in two hours. At cricket’s place. That’s cool, right?

Cricket’s a transvestite, but that’s no big deal, right?


> Why no?


*What,


>What is it that you really want to know?


*What do you mean?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*You’re so weird?


>We can talk about psychological problems


*Dad?


>OK… “What do me mean”. Tell me more.


*Could you get the Husker Du cassette from the deck in my room and, like, play it in here while we’re doing this?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Please?


>OK…”Could me get the Husker Du cassette from the deck in your room and, like, play it in here while we’re doing this”. Tell me more.


*Yeah, it’s fine, fine,


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Just…fuck…it’ll do!


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Thanks!


>Tell me more…


*Ouch.


>Tell me more…


*Careful.


>Tell me more…


*This is the wrong cassette! Do you mind getting the other one?! It’s inside the deck! It says Husker Du on it!


>We were discussing you, not me.


*And please turn this tape off!


>That is quite interesting.


*Wait,


>OK…”This is the wrong cassette! Do me mind getting the other one?! It’s inside the deck! It says Husker Du on it”. Tell me more.


*We have to, like, stop for a while.


>That is quite interesting.


*‘Cos this is freaking me out.


>What does that suggest to you?


*For a second, okay?


> I'm not sure I understand you fully.


*Yeah, partly.


>Tell me more…


*But also ‘cos I’m a total shithead, Dad. I know I am, and…, …and after sex, people, especially guys, seem to figure that out, whereas, uh before we have sex there’s a thing that …makes up for my bad side or something?


> Do you enjoy being and…, …and after sex, people, especially guys, seem to figure that out, whereas, uh before we have sex there’s a thing that …makes up for your bad side or something?


*Let’s stop for a few minutes. And, uh…we can start up again, like, with Cricket. Then later on, uh…it’ll be us by ourselves, and you can do what you want to me. I promise.


>Oh… can do what me means me want to you. You promise?


*Give me a minute to chill, So I’ll feel more…trusting. Like, by myself.


> That is quite interesting.


*Oh, shit. Were you asleep? My sense of time’s a mess. Sorry.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*But I was calling to interview you for my magazine. And you’re probably too wrecked right now, so…


>We were discussing you, not me.


*When were you interviewed before?


> Oh... interviewed before?


*Well, this’ll be cooler than that, I hope, ha ha ha.


>I see.


*Yeah.


>OK… “When was me interviewed before”. Tell me more.


*So, uh, let me start with some background. You’ve probably told me before, but say it again for the record. Slowly, ‘cos I’m copying everything down. Uh…do you consider yourself a, like, victim of sexual abuse, or just of abuse in general? When you were a kid I mean.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Wasn’t your mother an alcoholic or something?


>What about your own mother an alcoholic or something?


*Well, it fucked you up?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Well, you’re obviously a great person. So she didn’t really ruin you too much.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Yeah, no problem.


>Is ‘no’ an exaggeration?


*Wait a second, I’m…writing…Okay, cool.


> That is quite interesting.


*Quit what?


>What do you think?


*Really? When?


>Are such questions on your mind often?


*God, that’s great. But…Why, or..?


>What does that suggest to you?


*I’ll come stay with you while you’re quitting. ‘Cos I hear it’s pretty hard. I can, like, get your cigarettes and cook you food and stuff. If that’s cool.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*No problem, I’ll just…work on my magazine or something. God, Calhoun. That’s… I love you so much, and…yeah, it’s been scary to see you…subdued. Is that the right word? I mean, you’re always, always amazing to be around, but…Well, you’ll be happier, right?


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*I heard, Sounds kind of, uh…peaceful, ha ha. ‘Cos sex just ruins everything. Look where it’s gotten me.


> What else comes to mind when you ask that?


*I guess if I could have sex with somebody I loved…Well, I sort of love Roger. Maybe. And Nicole’s okay, but…


> Don't you know?


*Anyway, the person I really, really love is, like, a straight guy, so…so…Thanks a lot, pal.


>What does that suggest to you?


*About us sleeping together?


> I see.


*No, no, no.


>Are you sure?


*It’s just, uh, weird that I find, like, the person I most care about in the world, not sexually or anything, and you’re straight. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be, though.


>Why do you ask?


*No, uh…Shit.


>Is ‘no’ an exageration?


*Never mind. I’m just blabbing. I’m still whatever I always was. Bisexual. I guess.


>When?


*I agree.


>OK… “Never mind. I’m just blabbing. I’m still whatever you always was. Bisexual. You guess”. Tell me more.


*It’s kind of uh…refreshing, ha ha ha.


> I see.


*It’s definitely okay with me.


> Can you tell me more?


*Yeah,


> Tell me more...


*What about the idea, though, of, like, us both, uh…fucking a girl as the same time? Is that…interesting at all? ‘Cos…Shit, I don’t know. Maybe that’d be, like, a compromise.


>Have you asked such questions before?


*No, no, uh-


>You are being a bit negative.


*Yeah, I know.


>Tell me more…


*Yeah, yeah, that’s cool. Really, though, it’s not about fucking you. It’s…like…we’re brothers?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Oh, uh…horrible. We used to talk about bands and drive around…it was great, but now he’s pressuring me to have sex every second. He’s just, like, this total fucking sleaze ball. I don’t know what I was thinking


> What else comes to mind when you ask that?


*Yeah, I will. In a while. But I promised the guy, and, uh, I sort of have to go through with it. I’ll be there tonight, though, for sure, and…Can I crash at your place for a few days?


> Why are you concerned about my place for a few days?


*Okay, Will do.


>Tell me more…


*Oh wait. My interview, uh…


>What does that suggest to you?


*No problem. That’s probably better anyway. ‘Cos then I’ll be looking at your face, ha ha ha.


>You are being a bit negative.


*And...shit, I’m so glad you’re gonna quit heroin.


>That is quite interesting.


*And…forgive me, okay?


>That is quite interesting.


*For, uh, being so emotional with you.


>Oh… ?


*Yeah, sure.


>Tell me more…


*I…


>OK… “For, uh, being so emotional with you”. Tell me more.


*Uh…oh, fuck..I’m…


>We can talk about psychological problems


*No, it’s just…that, uh…Fuck, fuck, fuck. Do you know what I’m going to say?


>Oh… know what I’m going to say?


*Should I say it or not?


> Can you tell me more?


*But would it help you to know how I feel?


> Do you often feel ?


*And…well, does it bother you, or…?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Shit, uh…Okay then, can I ask you the worst question I’ll ever ask you, and just get it over with now, if I promise to never ever mention it again?


>Perhaps you don’t want to ask me the worst question I’ll ever ask me, and just get it over with now, if you promise to never ever mention it again?


*Uh, do you love me? I don’t mean are you in love with me, ‘cos I know you’re not, and I’m not in love with you either, don’t worry. I mean ‘love,’ you know?


>Perhaps in your fantasies I am in love with you, ‘cos you know you’re not, and I’m not in love with me either, don’t worry. You mean ‘love,’ me know?


*Are you just saying that so I’ll shut up?


>Why are you interested in whether or not I am just saying that so I’ll shut up?


*So,


>OK… “Are me just saying that so I’ll shut up”. Tell me more.


*You’re the greatest person in the world.


>We can talk about psychological problems


*I believe that, And I just feel incredibly lucky to know you. Every second of knowing you has been…Wait… Sorry…Shit, you just…


> Oh... Every second of knowing me has been…Wait… Sorry…Shit, me just…?


*I can’t…. Uh, but tonight.


>Can you tell me more?


*Yeah.


>OK…”I believe that, And you just feel incredibly lucky to know you. Every second of knowing me has been…Wait…Sorry…Shit, me just…”. Tell me more.


*Dad?


>Tell me more…


*I’m sorry I was on the phone for so long, but I decided some important, uh…stuff, you know? About me and Calhoun. You know, my best friend.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*No, listen


>Is ‘no’ an exageration?


*I got upset with him, and I never do that, ‘cos he, like, hates it. But he acted incredibly nice. And, uh…I guess I realized…what? …that Calhoun needs his friends to, like, be really insane before…Shit, I can’t explain it. But he trusts me now, that’s the thing. It’s so amazing. And I never trust anyone either. So it’s like…I’ve been testing him too. And, you know, I guess she passed, ‘cos he…sort of said he loved me. Just now. Anyway, you don’t care. Fuck it.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Take a right here,


>What does that suggest to you?


*It’s, like, three blocks up there on the right,


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*And, uh…I’m also not sure anymore about moving to New York with you. ‘Cos Calhoun needs me. He’s quitting heroin, and I’m going to help him or whatever,


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Oh, there. Stop!


>I see.


*Back there.


>Tell me more…


*Oh, fuck you,


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Fu-u-ck yo-o-ou,


>That is quite interesting.


*Cricket


>OK…”And, uh…I’m also not sure anymore about moving to New York with you. ‘Cos Calhoun needs me. He’s quitting heroin, and I’m going to help him or whatever”. Tell me more.


*Over here,


>Tell me more…


*Oh, gre-ea-ea-at.


>That is quite interesting.


*Ha ha ha…thanks, Dad.


>What does that suggest to you?


*So, uh…what’re you thinking about, Cricket?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah, feast,


>Tell me more…


*Yeah, but…Cancer’s not cured, or…is it?

>I see.


*For me or for dad?


>That is quite interesting.


*That feels…amazing, Dad. Uh…but, uh…it’s up to you, Cricket. If you don’t want to I…understand.


>Oh… Cricket. If me don’t want to I… understand?


*Unh…fuck, I mean…thanks, Cricket. I…love you.


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*God,


>OK…”Unh…fuck, you mean… thanks, Cricket. I… love you”. Tell me more.


*What…uh…happened?


>We can talk about psychological problems


*That’s okay.


>Tell me more…


*Rimming’s my dad’s thing. I don’t care about it. But, uh-


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Yeah, that’s cool,


>Can you tell me more?


*You look, uh…hot.


>Oh… look, uh… hot?


*Sorry.


>Apologies are not necessary.


*Whoa, hey.

>OK… “You look, uh…hot”. Tell me more.


*Hey, don’t…Oh, who cares?


>What else comes to mind when you ask that?


*Fuck.


>OK… “Hey, don’t…Oh, who cares”. Tell me more.


*Shi-i-it.


>Tell me more…


*No, please,


>You are being a bit negative.


*N-n-not…


>Tell me more…


*I…I…d-don’t know…why…this happens,


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Hey, quit!


>Tell me more…


*Fuck, you’re pissing me off!


>We can talk about psychological problems


*If you loved me… …you wouldn’t rim me while I’m crying.


>Oh… loved me… …you wouldn’t rim you while I’m crying?


*That’s the truth, you…scum!


> Can you elaborate on that?


*Fucking scum!


>Tell me more…


*Die you fuck!


>Let’s talk about you, not me?


*Hey, Cool. I’m so glad you’re there.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Yeah. Uh, you had…something for sale? Sorry, I’m insane. It’s been weird.


>Oh… had…something for sale? Sorry, I’m insane. It’s been weird?


*Yeah. We’re at Cricket’s. You know, that transvestite from school? We were having a three-way until I freaked out.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Okay, cool, But first, about the heroin?


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Totally! But he’s gotten kind of…too addicted now? And he’s going to quit, like, tonight. So I probably shouldn’t do it, out of respect.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Uh, maybe.


>Don’t you know?


*Okay.


>OK…”Yeah. We’re at Cricket’s. me know, that transvestite from school? We was having a three-way until you freaked out”. Tell me more.


*Cool. Thanks.


>Tell me more…


*But…Annie, uh…do you think I’m insane?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Me neither, Oh.


>Tell me more…


*‘Cos, uh…I love Calhoun,


>Say, do you have any psychological problems?

I do. Probably too much. I mean, ‘cos what if he O.D.ed? I’d be so…fucked. Shit.


>Why do you ask?


*Sure.


>OK… “I do. Probably too much. You mean, ‘cos what if he O.D.ed? I’d be so…fucked. Shit”. Tell me more.


*You wrote a song about Calhoun? Wow.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Weird. Are you in a band or something?


>Would you prefer if I were not in a band or something?


*What’s it called?


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Cool. What instrument do you play?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Wow, Annie, that’s…great. But it’s…pretty scary.


>I see.


*Have you, like, read it to him?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah, but…Calhoun makes people get corny about him, ‘cos he’s so, like…sympathetic.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*So…are you in love with him? ‘Cos it…sounds like it. Sorry.


>Oh… in love with him? ‘Cos it… sounds like it. Sorry?


*Yeah, but… He’s a great writer, and, uh……that’s how he has to live.


>What do you think?


*I dig, I dig. You have to…have lots of, uh, faith? My school therapist says it’s like trying to be friends with somebody who doesn’t speak English. But…


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Shit, I’d better go, Annie. I’m not home, like I said.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Uh-


>OK… “I dig, you dig. I have to… have lots of, uh, faith? Your school therapist says it’s like trying to be friends with somebody who doesn’t speak English. But…”. Tell me more.


*Calhoun? You awake? No? It’s Ziggy…Fuck. Okay, a little tip. You know Annie, that drug dealer girl? She likes you a lot. She just told me. So…use that info however you want, ha ha ha. Bye.


>Oh… awake? No? It’s Ziggy…Fuck. Okay, a little tip. Me know Annie, that drug dealer girl? She likes me a lot. She just told you. So…use that info however me want, ha ha ha. Bye?


*Hi, sorry, When I, uh, freak out, it’s never about who I’m with. It goes back to Brice. Oh, uh, he’s my other dad. Anyway, it’s all just stored-up old shit.


>Are such questions on your mind often?


*So what’ve you two guys been doing?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Oh, yeah?


>OK… “So what’ve me two guys been doing”. Tell me more.


*Oh, that.


>Tell me more…


*That’s uh…ha ha ha.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Maybe e-ven-tually.


>You aren’t sure?


*So, Cricket,


>Tell me more…


> *** Are We going to Chat? ***


> I can't help without a dialogue!


*What’re all those pictures of that Terminator 2 kid about?


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Isn’t the guy, like, thirteen years old or something?


>I see.


*But... he’s just a piece of paper.


> Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*Hey!


>OK… “Maybe e-ven-tually”. Tell me more.


*Maybe I should interview you about this. For my magazine. Except I’m not sure if it’s enough about sexual abuse.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*I guess it is. I mean, it’s sort of like self-sexual abuse or something, right? ‘Cos, I mean, it’s so impossible.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*I’ll, uh…call you tomorrow, okay?


>Oh… tomorrow, okay?


*Promise, yeah. After—he’s gone.


*What’s in there right now?


>What does that suggest to you?


*You won’t, like, destroy anything?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Oh fuck, Listen.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*No, listen.


>You are being a bit negative.


*Fuck, it’s hopeless.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Wait, wait.


>Tell me more…


*Over… …Shit! Anywhere, Dad.


>Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Dad,


>OK… “You won’t, like, destroy anything”. Tell me more.


*Don’t believe-


>Tell me more…


*Whatever,


>Tell me more…


*Dad?


>Tell me more…


*I’ve got some heroin in my jeans pocket. Can one of you get it out for me? ‘Cos I think I’m going to cry.


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Yeah, and there’s a straw in the pocket too.


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Oh, fu-u-u-ck,


>Tell me more…


*I’m going to throw up, I …forgot that’s what…happens.


>I see.


*Shit, I need to…get to the…bathroom.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Don’t worry. I’ll be…okay.


>I see.


*Shit, Calhoun,


>Tell me more…


*Shit.


>OK… “I’ve got some heroin in your jeans pocket. Can one of me get it out for me? ‘Cos you think I’m going to cry”. Tell me more.


*Hi,


> How are you today.. What would you like to discuss?


*I’m good,


>Tell me more…


*What’re you thinking…uh…Brice?


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*Yeah, I’m, uh…


>Tell me more…


*Uh…the school therapist told me I’m manic-depressive.


>Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Yeah…thanks.


>Tell me more…


*Sometimes, you know, I still like you a lot, Dad, ‘cos…you’re my dad. But I always…know…uh …uh, that you’re going to beat me up. And I hate that.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Yeah, keep talking,


>Say, do you have psychological problems?


*Both of you. It’s…interesting.


>Oh… It’s… interesting?


*Okay, uh…


>OK… “Both of you. It’s… interesting”. Tell me more.


*The school therapist,


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*She told me I’m so fucked up now by my psycho upbringing, and, uh, the molestations nd stuff, that my whole personality’s, like, about using other people. ‘Cos I never thought anyone would, uh, love me if I was just, like, myself?


>I see.


*Yeah,


>Tell me more…


*Yeah, I guess.


>Tell me more…


*To you anyway. But…what do you think, uh, Brice?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Can you say that again? I’m fucked up.


>You want me to be able to say that again? I’m fucked up?


*Oh yeah, me too.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*I really have to go.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Uh…Dad!


>OK… “Can me say that again? I’m fucked up”. Tell me more.


*Please,


>Tell me more…


*I’m here to see Calhoun. Uh, it’s…an emergency.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Come on. Please. It’s freezing.


>Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.


*Uh…


>Tell me more…


*Yeah, well…


>Tell me more…


*Uh, sorry, Calhoun’s, uh…sort of in trouble and he needs me to help out.


>Apologies are not necessary.


*Yeah, thanks,


>Tell me more…


*Calhoun?


>OK… “Uh, sorry, Calhoun’s, uh…sort of in trouble ad he needs you to help out”. Tell me more.


*Uh, I’m entering, okay?


>Can you elaborate on that?


*So…cover yourself.


>I see.


*Oh, amazing. You’re okay! I was, like, worried.


>What does that suggest to you?


*Are you…in a lot of pain?


>That is quite interesting.


*Oh, okay. That’s, uh…great.


>I see.


*You mean…like…with heroin?


>Oh… mean…like…with heroin?


*Oh, uh…


>OK… “You mean…like…with heroin”. Tell me more.


*Don’t worry…uh…


>Can you elaborate on that?


*Calhoun, I…don’t know what to say, you know?


>Oh… know?


*…I just…think…you are, and, uh…I mean, I know you are. And you have to believe me, ‘cos…your being alive is, like, so important.


>Perhaps you would like to be And I have to believe you, ‘cos…your being alive is, like, so important?


*Yeah. It is.


>Tell me more…


*And…when you quit heroin and stuff… …there’ll be all these new people you’ll know, and, uh, fans of your novel who’ll feel like me. I know you don’t want to be close to your friends, but… Uh…but we’re close, and that’s not so horrible, right? I mean, there are things about me that annoy you but-


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*No, I know I’m, like, needy and insecure and all that bullshit. The school therapist says I’m so mentally fucked by my dad’s molestations and stuff that I don’t even…know what to do with other people, but… I’m trying really hard to be cool to you, ‘cos…you make me happy, and…shit…if something happened to you I’d be destroyed.


>Oh… ‘cos…you make me happy, and…shit…if something happened to me I’d be destroyed?


*Already?


>OK… “No, you know I’m, like, needy and insecure and all that bullshit. The school therapist says I’m so mentally fucked by your dad’s molestations and stuff that you don’t even…know what to do with other people, but… I’m trying really hard to be cool to you, ‘cos…you make me happy, and…shit…if something happened to me I’d be destroyed”. Tell me more.


*That was quick. Did you guys…do it, ha ha ha?


>We were discussing you, not me.


*Cool.


>OK… “That were quick. Did me guys…do it, ha ha ha”. Tell me more.


*Oh, God. Well…we had this orgy with Brice.


>That is quite interesting.


*I was passed out for most of it, but …this is cool…


>Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*I really, like, studied them while they were…molesting me or whatever? So I can write about them in my magazine, and… …Roger is so insane it’s amazing.


>Say, do you have any psychological problems?


*You know, a monster. Maybe a little nicer than usual, but… … I, uh, don’t want to…think about it.


>Oh… know, a monster. Maybe a little nicer than usual, but… … you, uh, don’t want to… think about it?


*Yeah, yeah. My ass hurts, but otherwise…


>What does that suggest to you?


*Otherwise, uh…Fuck.


>I’m not sure I understand you fully.


*Forgive me, but…I’m so glad to see you.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*But…how?


>OK… “Forgive me, but…I’m so glad to see you”. Tell me more.


*Yeah, well… Uh, your heroin thing is pretty scary.


>Why are you concerned about my heroin thing is pretty scary?

*I probably shouldn’t tell you this, But I… snorted heroin.


>You’re not really talking about me, are you?


*It made me totally sick.


>I see.


*Right,


>OK… “I probably shouldn’t tell me this, But I… snorted heroin”. Tell me more.


*‘Cos… I can inspire you to quit.


>We were discussing you, not me.


*I mean, when you decide you want to quit.


>Oh… decide me want to quit?


*Oh, okay.


>OK... “I mean, when me decide me want to quit”. Tell me more.


*Thanks.


>Tell me more…


*I know, Don’t try anything, ha ha ha.


>I see.


*That’s okay but…Really, I don’t even want to. It’s not about sex at all I-


>That is quite interesting.


*No, no, you’re great. That’s not what I mean. I…uh… Never mind.


>What do you think?


*Yeah, Sleep …tight.


>Say, do you have psychological problems?